


touched you with the hands of god.

by projectfreelancer



Category: Devilman (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Daddy Issues, M/M, Time Loop
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-19
Updated: 2018-01-19
Packaged: 2019-03-06 17:14:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 800
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13415862
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/projectfreelancer/pseuds/projectfreelancer
Summary: Ryo has nothing left to lose. He has seen the world being created, and he has seen it burn so many times. If all he has to look forward to for the rest of eternity is seeing Akira and having to let him go then that is his personal Hell designed by God Himself, and he will find Heaven in the few times he can.





	touched you with the hands of god.

**Author's Note:**

> implied abuse/csa warning
> 
> small brain: God/Satan as ex-bfs  
> big brain: God/Satan in a dysfunctional father/son dynamic  
> BIGGEST brain: God is abusive!

It’s not his first time nor will it be his last. That much he is sure of. Can almost feel the ghost-whisper of his Father,  _ Will it ever end? Come home to Me, Lucifer, and I can make it end. _

He shakes off the nausea that rises through his throat. He holds the knife in his hand, glimmeringly bright, dangerously sharp, and holds his breath until he sees Akira.  _ Isn’t he beautiful?,  _ a Father is asking,  _ I have made him, don’t you know? _

Ryo swallows. Grips his knife as if he’s afraid of what he’s capable of. 

 

— 

 

Sabbath reminds him a bit of Hell, of home: the lights in the club are dizzyingly dazzling, lust and sin pour into the air, flesh to flesh pulsing around him. The music feels heavenly in Ryo’s ears, and he feels weak at the way Akira struggles to grasp the scene around him. A part of Ryo wants to stay in here forever and damn the idea of saving Akira from humanity’s downfall. If he could watch the way the lights shadow across Akira’s face for the rest of humanity, he would accept his mission as a success.

“Loosen up, Akira,” Ryo is saying into his ear, hand against his arm, “Just have fun. We want to fit in, not stand out.” Ryo pulls away from Akira, sees the boy’s body become less taut. His hand still lingers on Akira’s arms, but now he pulls him closer,  _ flesh to flesh,  _ and everything but the way Akira feels against him is lost in the back of Ryo’s senses.

Akira tenses up again at the contact, and Ryo is not sure if he wants to kiss or kill him. He takes his other hand up to his mouth, inhales the smoke of his joint, and his hand now opens Akira’s mouth, and he blows the smoke across his lips. “That should help you relax,” Ryo laughs, drowning in the way Akira flushes.

He hears God whisper,  _ Disgusting, _ but the music drowns it out.

 

—

 

Ryo hates sleeping because sleeping means his father may try killing him again, or his Father will seep into his mind when Ryo has no way to defend himself.

_ My child,  _ He says, His voice like a rock, a brick wall, sandpaper against Ryo’s skin.  _ Don’t you know I miss you?  _

Ryo awakes with air trapped in his throat, tears clinging to his face. God is relentless,  _ You were so beautiful. My morning star. How I miss your beauty. You always looked so fitting by my side. Come home, My morning star. _

Ryo knows it is never bright to reply, knows his Maker finds a sick joy in whenever Ryo spares attention to him, but impulses itch at his soul, and Ryo says,  _ If you loved me so, why did you abandon me? _

God is silent the rest of the night, and Ryo’s not sure if he prefers it to an answer.   
  


—

 

He’s lost count of how many Akiras he has had to face, has tried to save, has seen ripped apart and lying as he decays. Lost count of the times he has closed his eyes only to open them to another universe. Lost count of which Akiras he has embraced, has kissed, has been ignored by.

He tries not to think much about it.

 

— 

 

This universe reminds him of how Heaven used to be: Akira is flush against his body, his hands against Ryo’s hair, lips everywhere. This Akira spreads over Ryo like he was born to be on top of him. As if God molded Akira to fit against the curves of Ryo. Crafted Akira’s lips to taste like wine upon Ryo’s.

“Fuck,” Akira is saying above him, and Ryo feels as if he is drowning. “You’re beautiful.” 

_ The most beautiful,  _ God intervenes, and Ryo shivers.  _ Don’t you miss how we used to blend together too? _

Ryo shakes his head, hopes God can see his rejection, but Akira’s lips pause his movement as they begin.

 

— 

 

“I love you,” Ryo says to this Akira because he has nothing left to lose. He has seen the world being created, and he has seen it burn so many times. If all he has to look forward to for the rest of eternity is seeing Akira and having to let him go then that is his personal Hell designed by God Himself, and he will find Heaven in the few times he can.

“Ryo, I—” And Ryo has been through this so many times that he could recite the words that will come out of his mouth. “I love you too, but not… not that way.”

  
_ Oh, My Lucifer,  _ his Father is saying because He made the heart that Akira breaks,  _ Don’t you know that no one besides Me will ever truly love you? _

**Author's Note:**

> inspired by medievalmalware's fic "requiem"!


End file.
